Soul Food

My real life family sort of sucks. And by sort of I mean definitely. And a bunch. In fact 'sort of that means definitely' so much that after years and years of trying to repair things after a particularly ridiculous argument that involved me being kicked out of the house as a teen (for reals I was an awesome kid and did nothing wrong) and many years before that filled with an alcoholic and, quite likely, bi-polar mother I realized that as many times as I'd been convinced things could get better I'd also been disappointed. And once I made that realization I decided to move on from the emotional equivalent of watching the Twilight movies. I was putting a whole lot in and not getting anything out of it other than headaches and the distinct impression that none of this was ever going to make any sense.

And now I have a new family. We don't share DNA and I'll never have their nose or eyes but they are so the people who I was meant to spend holidays with and come to when I need guidance and nothing makes me happier than being home with them and helping the girls pack for a trip or helping the woman I think of as my mom and one of my closest friends clean the kitchen after dinner because that's what families do.

After a rough couple weeks and a draining day yesterday I text my "mom" (let's call her S) asking if I could see them soon. Within five minutes I had a call from the littlest munchkin asking me to come over for lunch this weekend. And I happily agreed.

What I thought would be an hour or so visit turned into a nearly five hour one. When I was leaving S said "I hope this felt good for your soul." and that's exactly what it did, fed my soul.

I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.

Today Portland has decided it's Spring. Which is nice, it really is. I've spent the day driving with the sunroof open, playing the Blender top 500 songs of all time, loving the crisp air. I got to tie side knots in my maxi dress midway through the day. The sun is shining...but instead of feeling happy and optimistic about blooming flowers and the beauty of new life and bluebirds on my shoulders or whatever, well, I just feel sort of melancholy.

This happens every year so I shouldn't be surprised but when it's gorgeous out I really miss being a nanny. I miss picnics and parks, walks, buying dollar loaves of bread to feed the ducks, hopscotch, laying on the dirty driveway so the kids can trace me with chalk and getting up to find not only am I covered in dirt and pine needles but also chalk dust and an ant. I miss the freedom to just walk out the door into the sun and play. I miss the feeling of coming home after a long day in the sun to ice cold water and all of us collapsing on the couch and cuddling up even though we're all sweaty.

And I think about how now I can pay my rent and don't have to worry about money and have health insurance and a 401K and that all is really wonderful and I'm thankful for it but I still sometimes wish my days were full of play structures and ice cream.

I think I have reverse seasonal depression.

A Month of Photos: Day 2

So day two of this little adventure calls for a photo of "you and the person you have been closest to the longest."

This is a difficult one for me. I'm not close to my family and while I have friends I'm close to I'm in my mid twenties which means it hasn't been until fairly recently that my friends stay in the same place for long given college, jobs, etc. Then I realized the person I've been closest to the longest isn't someone I can call when I have a break up or who takes me out to drinks on my birthday, it's this little munchkin of a girl who I've taken care of since birth. I've re-discovered the awe of the ocean, building forts, mixing colored water to make new colors like magic...and so much more with this girl. And for as many times as I've kissed her owies and made her feel better she's done the same for me tenfold. I know, don't barf okay?

Kids Say the Darndest Incisive-est Things

While taking care of my used to be nanny girls this evening:

Monkey: I can see your tattoo.

Me: Yep.

Monkey: Did it hurt when they did that to you?

Me: Yeah, this one hurt the least but yeah.

Monkey: Why you did it?

Me: Because I like it.

Monkey: I like the way you choose your life.

Only Treats

I absolutely adore the girls I used to nanny. We're still very close and I watch them in the evenings or on weekends whenever I can. They call me "Nanny" and think of me as a sister. I think of them as my own children but I'm in the lucky position of being able to still spoil them. I look for any excuse to give them gifts and Halloween is no exception.

The thing is, I know their family isn't huge on the candy thing, and they're already going to be getting tons of it. I wanted to give them something they would enjoy but that had more substance than a simple sugar treat.

Here are some of the things I picked for them. The full list includes umbrellas, stick on earrings, window clings, headbands, stickers, crayon pens, Goldfish crackers, Slinkys, Silly Bandz, bubbles, pumpkins, pretend mice, monster erasers, and sticker puzzles.








This is as close as I got to candy for them.


Although I did try to wrap things sort of like old fashioned candies. Not because the kids would get it but because I thought it was adorable.





I bought these little party favor bubbles but they weren't labeled except on the larger package they came in. Which I thought was really stupid because who thought giving kids tiny unlabeled bottles of liquid was a good idea? I wanted to label them, if only with a sharpie and my own handwriting, so that 1. they would know what they were and 2. their parents wouldn't freak. I decided calling bubbles "boo-bbles would be cute. Until I realized it's really close to sounding like slang for breasts. Oh well.


Oh look, Javier caught some mice.


These sticker puzzle things were actually pretty cool. I got them at the grocery store, they were with all the Halloween candy as an alternative to passing out more sugar to children. I think they would be too expensive to really do if you had a lot of trick-or-treaters but they were perfect to sprinkle into the baskets for two kids.





I wanted to just throw these pumpkins in with the rest of everything but then I decided to draw jack-o-lantern faces on them. Then I started drawing out my ideas and the whole concept of positive and negative space was sort of escaping me so I decided to write their names on the fronts and a message to each of them on the backs.





These are the finished products. Well, the real finished products will be sans tissue paper covering their names but I decided to let them remain anonymous. We can just call them Monkey and Sweetie.

Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls

I'm volunteering at camp this week so posts are going to be slow. Every year I use my vacation time to take a week off and spend it rocking out with a bunch of girls at rock camp.

I can't say enough about how awesome this place is. The whole mission of the camp is to "build girls' self esteem through the creation of music." To give girls a voice, because too often we are told to be quiet, to be ladylike, to subdue ourselves. By allowing these girls to get loud and have a voice we're giving them the power to make social change, because how can anything ever be different, better, without being talked (or better yet shouted) about?

Girls form bands and write a song with their band in one week (the length of a camp session). On the Saturday following the session there is a showcase where each band performs for an audience made up of 700-800 of their closest friends and family, as well as anyone else who wants to come see the show. Each girl signs up to learn an instrument at camp and while she doesn't have to actually play that instrument in her band if she chooses not to, she does take two hours each day of instrument instruction. They can choose between keys, guitar, bass, drums, vocals, and one session each summer there is also a hip-hop elements class where the girls can learn turntables and how to mix and cut tracks. Each day of camp there is a workshop and at some point during the week each girl will participate in self defense, screenprinting, songwriting, zine making, and a workshop on image and identity. There's tons more fun that goes on but really it could take me days to explain. Here's the link to the camp's site if you're interested: http://www.girlsrockcamp.org/main/

Besides being an awesome place for campers it is the most unique place I have ever been in regards to interactions between grown women. Everyone is accepted and accepting. There's no judgment and it's all about respect. All the volunteers are so varied in every aspect, it's really magical to watch all these different women come together and have a passion for the same cause.

There was also a documentary made about the camp. It's called Girls Rock! Here's a trailer. I highly advise everyone to find it somewhere and watch it. Like, now.



Oh, by the way, this camp was around way before that Disney movie with the Jonas Brothers.