Tuesday, February 22, 2011

When Technology is Not Awesome

A year ago my best friend tried to kill himself. When it happened I couldn't do anything and I desperately clung to any communication I had with him because at least if I were talking to him or hearing from him I knew he was alive. Not okay but at least alive. Within the first month or two after it happened he stopped talking to me and hasn't since. In the beginning everything came together in a way that made it impossible for me to get myself out of bed. After awhile I was able to go out into the world but I wasn't really actively participating in it and at the oddest times and with no warning my eyes would fill with tears. Over time though that stopped as well and I began to be able to really participate in conversations and laugh and care about things again. Something that hasn't gone away though is him crossing my mind every day. I don't think I'll ever get over my friend or what happened with him. It breaks my heart. I wonder if I could have or should have done something, if he was mad at me, if he felt that not being involved in my life would be better for me or him...and I'll never know. But usually those thoughts are a little more buried.

You know how sometimes in movies people have the date of someone's death or something that happened etched in their mind forever? This wasn't like that. I remember last spring being bad and how tired I felt and how much all I wanted to do was sleep and escape from feeling sad, but I don't remember dates. Know who does though? 1-800-flowers.

The first day that I actually thought my friend was gone a friend of mine came over to stay with me and brought groceries, Advil, tissues, cat food, and her overnight bag. I never would have asked for it but it was exactly what I needed. After a couple days she ended up going back to her own home and I sent her flowers as a thank you for coming to stay with me. 1-800-flowers decided they should remind me of this occasion to ensure I don't forget to send flowers again.

I get it, I do, they want business and I suppose for holidays and birthdays or anniversaries this is a good tool that works to their advantage but come on. Seriously? You know what sort of things people send flowers for? Deaths, illness, injuries, to girlfriends or boyfriends they may or may not be with any longer...people send flowers for a lot of things they don't want to be reminded of. Opening your email to be stunned and then end up crying isn't very fun. And also doesn't make me want to buy flowers either.

Sometimes I miss the olden days when people were expected to remember important dates on their own and allowed to forget the ones that hurt.


  1. Lolo - I remember this last year. I'm so so sorry that you had such a horrible reminder of this date. So sorry.

    Much love to you today, my friend.

  2. aww boo! Good thing we're cooking some awesome food tonight.